triage page • one email address • zero clairvoyance

Alright. Which one are you?

A friend left a messy pile of notes. If you believe you’re one of the two “possible recipients,” congratulations: you get a form and a single inbox. Be specific. Be calm. Include receipts.

Fill out your damn problem

This page does not decide anything. It just collects enough context to stop the email thread from turning into performance art.

Step 1: pick a bucket Step 2: write like an adult Step 3: attach proof

Name (or handle)

Which bucket are you?

Best contact (email/handle)

How did you know them?

What do you need? (1–3 sentences)

Pro tip: If your ask requires a conspiracy preamble, maybe… don’t.

Evidence you can provide

Any real deadline?

Just email it

Context, minus the drama

The notes left behind appear to reference two possible people/threads. This page is intentionally minimal: it’s a switchboard, not a courtroom.

Bucket A — “Texas”

If you’re the Texas side of this, lead with your relationship to the person and any documentation that proves it. Keep it factual. Save the lore for your memoir.

Bucket B — “Michigan”

If you’re the Michigan side, same deal: facts, proof, and what you’re actually asking for. Don’t drag third parties. Don’t speculate.

What helps most: transaction hashes (if relevant), screenshots with dates, prior emails/texts, and a clear ask.
What helps least: vague threats, name-calling, or “connect-the-dots” dissertations.

Deep State Bingo Mode™

Click squares as you inevitably type them. If you get bingo, congratulations: you’ve unlocked “attach receipts anyway.”

BINGO ✅ Please hydrate. Then attach proof.

Fine. I’ll fill the form.